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Self Test for Spouses or Partners of a Sex Addict



This test can be used to help determine if a person has the characteristics of someone who is addictively reacting to another person’s sexual behavior. The test is designed for those who are in a marriage or partner relationship with the other person. The more “yes” answers, the more likely the condition described as co-sex addiction is present.” By continuing to read below the test you will come to a section on getting help, or you can click on the "For Partners" side button and then on the "Help for Partners" sub title.

  1. I am constantly thinking or obsessing about my partner’s sexual behaviors and motives.
  2. I accept my partner’s sexual norms as my own.
  3. I use sex as a tool for manipulation or to patch disagreements.
  4. I rarely feel intimate during sex.
  5. I change clothes out of sight of my partner because I don’t feel safe being undressed in my partner’s presence.
  6. I lie to cover up for my partner’s sexual problems or behaviors.
  7. I engage in extreme or self-destructive behaviors in reaction to my partner’s actual or suspected sexual behavior (such as searching my partner’s clothing, wallet, purse or briefcase, looking through telephone or credit card bills for tell-tale charges, calling and confronting a person with whom I suspect my partner is having an affair, secretly following my partner to catch him/her “in the act,” or having sex outside my relationship to “pay back” my partner).
  8. I violate my own values by agreeing to participate in sexual behaviors desired by my partner but offensive to me.
  9. I sometimes have sex with my partner, not because I want to or because I enjoy it but in an attempt to keep my partner from seeking sex with others.
  10. I am willing to be hypersexual to suit my partner’s wishes/demands.
  11. I have altered my body through surgery, dieting or other means to appear “sexier” for my partner.
  12. I wear revealing clothing or provocative undergarments to accommodate my partner’s wishes.
  13. I am numb to my own sexual needs and wants.
  14. I take responsibility for my partner’s behaviors (sexual and otherwise) and for the consequences of those behaviors.
  15. I often feel confused, frustrated or “crazy” after trying to talk with my partner about behavior I find objectionable.
  16. I keep secrets to protect my partner.
  17. I find I am frequently focused on a crisis or problem related to my primary relationship, often involving my partner’s sexual desires or behavior.
  18. I make threats to leave because of my partner’s sexual behavior but either never follow thru or find myself relenting and returning (or I kick my partner out because of objectionable sexual behavior and then take him/her back in).
  19. I know my partner is being sexually unfaithful but I try to ignore, forget or rationalize it.
  20. I join with my partner to present a united front to the world.
  21. As a result of problems and losses associated with my relationship, I have given up life goals, hobbies and interests.